I did a post a little while ago themed around “they really said that…” because I often come into contact with people who just make me shake my head. I know I’m one to talk considering I rarely think before I speak, but come on.
Here are some of the latest installments…
My mom, talking about Google Earth, calls it “Google Curbside” (which is adorable, I’m not gonna lie)
Person in office I’ve never spoken to: “WHAT TIME DO YOU GET HERE? 6am?!”
Me, with a puzzled look:
Why are you speaking to me? “7:30.”
Check-out girl at liquor store: “May I see your ID?”
Me, super excited: “SURE! HERE IT IS!”
Her: “Wow, congrats. Would have never guessed that.”
Me: “Thanks! Made my day.”
Her: “The worst is when someone looks way older. You just stand there awkwardly and try not to look horrified.”
Me: “Thank god that’s not me.”
My friend’s daughter (age 9): “How old are you?”
Me: “You’re my favorite.”
My friend’s other daughter (age 11), after we had been eating dinner at Tijuana Flats: “You ate a lot.”
Me: “Ugh.” …followed by shame spiral. That girl was right.
My friend’s daughter (age 5), after I showed her a photo of Jack: “Aw! His body is so big. Dude look at him!”
…Til next time.
Oh look at some of you with your judgey faces reading that title. It’s so real though. Tell me all your friends on Facebook are your truest friends? No way you have 647 close friends. And admit that 1/4 of that group aren’t just people you stalk
to make yourself feel better because it’s fun. Pssh we all do. Might as well admit it. PS – happy Friday!
Ok today’s next to last Blogtember post is an anonymous letter to my Facebook friends. Here you go. (Guess it’s not going to be that anonymous since it will post on FB. Ah well.)
Oh where do I begin. There are a good amount of you that are exempt from what I’ll say below. Those are my close friends. They are people I actually talk/text on the phone. Or email (bloggy friends). In real life. You guys have a special place in my heart.
But some of you. Sigh. Here’s some of my least favorite things/people/posts. We can all relate.
- I just ran/worked out so hard/hit up the gym – Yes coming from a girl who clearly doesn’t “hit up the gym” – I am rolling my eyes when you look for affirmation telling your FB friendsies that you are actually doing something healthy. No. One. Cares.
- I’m a skinny person posting a picture of a horrible meal and calling myself a fat kid – That says it all. Just stop.
- I am airing my dirty laundry/entire life on Facebook – Oh you’re going to be un-friended so fast your head would spin. But you love getting down in the dumps and having everyone help you get back up again. See next bullet point
- I am so depressed/sad/hate my life always – So you have that bad of a life that you really need to share it on this wall of
shamenews? Take it to therapy, sweetie.
- I love being vague to elicit response – There is nothing that really frosts my cupcakes more than a vague poster. Example: someone posts just a sad face. Oh really? Not going to go into detail? Fine then I am not going to ask. These people need to stop begging for attention through their passive aggressive posts.
- I am obsessed with quotes – No one loves quotes that much that they need to post them every hour. Kind of lose their impact after the 457th posting
- I love to stir up controversy all the time with religion/politics – Oh ok, I do have one close friend I can think of that does this and I let it slide (don’t hate me, J) – but overall – you’re just looking for trouble. Start a blog. So people can dedicate their free time to that instead
- I will only post every detail about my wedding/being married – Because apparently single people do not matter. LIFE DIDN’T BEGIN UNTIL NOW. sigh
- I love my kids and now no longer my husband…kids are my life – I have so many friends that are parents and I love you guys. I love your kids even more (sorry). But this doesn’t apply to you. It applies to those that really only talk about those screaming poop monsters. Speaking of poop. No one needs to know the bowel movements of Johnnie on Facebook
Ok, that’s enough. I have probably gotten some of you to un-friend me already. And if you do, you really probably weren’t that great of a friend anyway.
Cheers to the weekend! One more Blogtember post coming at ya on Monday. Topic: Something old.
Not only do I know you do it, I know all of you secretly love it. Just about everywhere you go leads itself to a good opportunity to people watch. The mall, the theme park (hello Orlando is destination #1), the hair salon, the airport, a restaurant. The list goes on and on.
Forbes says that it takes 7 seconds to make a first impression. Not very long to really screw that up, am I right? Someone catches you walk straight into a wall, accidentally spit food out of your mouth, or better yet – fall flat on your face. And you just gave everyone around you the best first impression and a great people watching experience. When it’s not you being awkward in public, you mentally thank that person for making you laugh. Not just because it’s kind of funny (assuming no one gets hurt), but because they just made themselves relate-able and real. You know you’ve fallen in front of a complete stranger before. The horror. So why not just laugh at yourself?
Life is full of funny people to watch. I’m not talking about creepy stalker watching, c’mon now. Just the general noticing of people as they go by in their daily lives. Sometimes, I’ll admit, it makes me feel better about myself. Everyone is judging everyone on the reg, and as long as I’m not hurting anyone’s feelings in the process – what is the harm?
While it’s not my favorite past-time, it is a fun thing to pass the time. So tell me, do you people watch? Share a funny story if you’d like!
L: Sports games are good for people watching. Obvi // R: This was the funniest group T and I had the pleasure of sitting beside at a local Denver joint. Right after this I might add – gray shirt spilled her whole beer on herself. Heh.